The medication was supposed to make things better not worse. The first prescription was an antidepressant that made the level of anxiety disappear. The anxiety remained but I could not tell at what level my anxiety was. Normally I was able to tell what level I was at any time I checked in with myself. With the prescription the levels were wiped out, so I thought I was at a constant level two. I was not at a two.
I was working, physically shaking as if I was at an eight, when I realized my body was trying to tell me my anxiety was spiking. That was not good. The medication was supposed to be helping. After consulting my doctor, she assigned me a new prescription called venlafaxine. This one would be an antianxiety medicine. I monitored myself on it for several days before coming to the conclusion that I liked it.
I felt calmer than usual, and my body was not shaking to warn me about my anxiety. I could tell my anxiety levels and when they would adjust. For the most part I remained at an almost constant four unless I spiked or managed to get down to two. I worked on selfcare and other things to help keep my anxiety low alongside the medication, but the medication itself was a big help. There were a few days where I went without the venlafaxine just to see how I was doing. The anxiety spiked more without the medication than with.
The doctor liked the results but decided to up the dosage from thirty-five milligrams to seventy-five milligrams. Within four weeks with the higher dosage, I felt no different than with the lower dosage. The doctor was not disappointed but also was not pleased with that result, so she upped the dosage further to one hundred and fifty milligrams of venlafaxine. I was calmer as a result and felt like checking in with my anxiety levels very little. I could still check in, but my anxiety remained low and rarely spiked unless I was facing multiple large stressors. That was a big improvement compared to normal.
The panic attacks were unaffected, though, so she added 10 miligrams of propranolol to lower my heartrate and upped the venlafaxine to 225 miligrams. The anxiety was low, the panic attacks almost nonexistent, and my head was completely clear and focused. I was thrilled. My doctor was pleased with this result and continued the prescription while also encouraging that I continue my counseling. The goal was for the medication to help act as a baseline to reach in lowering my anxiety and the counseling would focus on helping me achieve it on my own without the medication. The counseling had succeeded in helping me lower my regular anxiety down to a two in the first place and occasionally I even reached a one point five, but that was rare. My anxiety was still ever present and would spike regularly with no logical explanation, hence the doctor was prescribing me antianxiety medication to use as a tool to figure out what I was supposed to normally feel like.
I was enjoying the venlafaxine, but I did not intend to be stuck on pills for the rest of my life. I was already stuck taking the iron supplements daily due to my anemia that refused to go away, and I did not want to get stuck with more pills to swallow every day for the rest of my life. I just needed to figure out how to feel this relaxed on a regular basis without the medication. Challenge accepted.